The difference between someone who is actually screwed in the head and me is… Well, there is no difference. I’M A PSYCHO when it comes my family. I know how weird what I’m about to tell you sounds. I know I’m a basket case, but I’m telling you this in the hope that I’m not alone.
You see, we’re looking at houses to buy at the moment and we just came across one my husband and I both fell in love with, in the gorgeous Adelaide hills. It’s a stunner. It’s the perfect family home, it’s everything that I love; big rooms, floorboards, gorgeous views of Stirling, massive open plan kitchen, it’s the bomb.
Most people would think, “How exciting, let’s make an offer!” I, on the other hand, think, “Is this the house that I’ll be in when I find out my husband has been killed in a car crash on the way up the freeway?” Yep, you read that correctly. The fear of my family dying is stopping me from buying a house.
WTF?!
I am the most morbid-happy person you’ll ever meet.
My fears and worries stop me from doing things and enjoying “the moment”. People always tell me, “Just enjoy the moment, don’t stress,” but it’s easier said than done. Do you think I WANT to have these horrific thoughts about my family? No. I’d do anything for them to go away. I’ve tried talking to a phychologist and adjusting my thought patterns, but nothing seems to work.
The thing is, I’ve experienced what it feels like to lose a family member and I know I COULD NOT go through that again. Maybe if I didn’t know what that feeling was like, I wouldn’t worry so much, I’d be blissfully unaware.
Am I alone? Is anyone else a little bit bonkers?
Hayley x
Ps But, seriously, how stunning is Stirling?
Thank you so much for this post, I thought I was the only one who had these thoughts! Im the same, as in, normally a super positive & bubbly person but when it comes to my family, I am petrified of something bad happening. Its AWFUL! Sending you lots of love and best wishes for finding your dream house! xxx
Awww thanks for making me feel normal!! xx
Are regrets just as bad though? Regretting not doing something because of worrying? Buy the house. Drive the freeway. Enjoy the hills. You will prob still worry, but won’t regret the buy 🙂
Hi Hayley,
You are definately not alone in those thoughts! It is wonderfully bazaar to read someone elses words, maybe for those of us who have experienced a close loss the thought of another family member leaving us is too much?!
I am exactly the same! I love the Adelaide Hills, but with three sons, I worry they’ll use the back roads instead of the Freeway like a race track when they get their licence and crash. :/
“So often our doubts won’t be realised, so why waste time voicing them?” This is a quote I’ve recently read and it resonated with me. Are you allowing those thoughts in? Perhaps it’s time for another strategy, of allowing yourself to be completely happy? I too have lost a family member, and whilst I am still broken and will never be the same, I have gotten through those really hard gut renching times, and I’ve come out the other side. You will have the strength to get through anything life throws at you because you’ve done it once before. You’re stronger than you think 😉 keep smiling xx
I’m the same!! I too have those morbid thoughts, I think because I lost someone close to me very suddenly & now it’s like I’m waiting for it to happen again! But I know the odds are very slim & it’s unnecessary to fret so!
Hayley, that’s not weird at all. I know how you feel , my brother died 20 years ago and I don’t think you every get over losing someone close. I suspect Ryan would be sad that him dying would burden you with this fear. I’m glad you have sought help. I’m sure you found going through an untimely death showed you a strength you had no idea you had. Stirling is absolutely beautiful and would be a great place for you and your boys.
We would love to have you in the Hills! Dont let fear stop you from joining us in our own special slice of heaven!
Hayley, maybe it runs in the name but I can certainly relate! Have always been like this too- horrible/ crazy images just pop up to scare me off doing something & I have to try and talk myself out of it like..shut UP head! Always have said I’m crazy- so glad to know I’m not the only one….!!!! We think too much! Thanks for writing so openly and candidly- it’s so refreshing Xx Hayley
Thanks for sharing Hayley! This is also me. In the morning, my husband gets up and rides his bike like a maniac for a couple of hours. If he’s even a few seconds late my thoughts go to funeral planning, hiw I will cope alone with a toddler..seriously I feel like a basket case. I too lost a close family member suddenly and way too young. I wonder if this is really connected?