It seems I may have forgotten how hard life can be in those first few weeks after having a baby. I’m sure my first baby, Elka was just as needy, cried just as much and took just as long to settle, but I guess I had forgotten. And now we have new baby girl, Spencer. Wonderful, beautiful, healthy. A delight. But I forgot the challenges babies bring. It’s tough!
I also forgot how quickly the day can go from lovely and relaxed, calm and serene to stressful and loud, full of AMPLIFIED, SURROUND SOUND crying – complete with tight, closed fists, eyes squeezed shut, bottom lip jutting out.
I forgot how helpful nasal spray is for those little blocked nostrils. And Fess — Oh how i love thee!
I forgot how, despite how tired I am, I still wake at the slightest murmur, cough, snort or sniff.
I forgot how much I can despise my husband for getting more sleep than me, then just as quickly despise myself for despising my husband.
I forgot how heart-melting baby neck stretches are. Oh, this warms my heart.
I forgot how itchy, hot and scratchy a newborn baby crying relentlessly can make me feel. You actually feel like you’re going crazy!
I forgot how after FINALLY getting back in bed after a middle of the night feed, nappy change, burping and settling, burping again, resettling, finally lying down, exhausted, that instead of falling straight to sleep I worry that I didn’t check Spencer’s sheet was pulled firmly enough over her. Maybe it’s too close to her face? So back up I get, checking the sheet when all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.
I forgot how just when I think I’m going to lose my mind, 6 weeks hits and suddenly there’s eye contact and a baby smile that makes my heart burst open and tiny bits of endless love flitter out to cocoon us both.
I forgot how buying EVERY dummy that has ever existed on planet Earth does not mean that you will find a dummy that your baby will suckle lovingly.
I forgot how babies wake JUST as your head hits the pillow.
I forgot how lack of sleep feels like a very unsatisfying, mean, horrible hangover, without the joy of the night before.
I forgot how funny it is watching a little baby unashamedly belch out a slurpy bottom burp.
I forgot how the days seems to roll into one another, until it’s just one big day split into 3 hour jaunts.
I forgot how the little things can almost break you. Certainly they make you question what you were thinking having another baby!
I forgot how the nights can fill me with dread.
I forgot how annoying it is when people think that a baby waking every 3 hours means you get 3 hours sleep between feeds- this is not how it works people!!
I forgot that sometimes babies look like frogs with their swollen bellies full of milk.
But I remember that this stage will pass, these feeling will pass, and soon enough my little baby will be a toddler and there will be other stages and phases to sap me of my energy, make my heart glow and make me feel like the luckiest person on earth.
So, every time I’m hating on life and I feel like Spencer will NEVER go to sleep, I remind myself to remember that it is all worth it and, although the nights might drive me mental at times, that I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s all part of being a mum.*
*Wouldn’t mind a chef, nanny, personal trainer, cleaner though.
Fleur xx
