After 25 years in the business of break-ups, this is what Divorce Lawyer Rose Cocchiaro has learned about staying together.
Rose is the founding partner of Resolve Divorce — South Australia’s largest and most specialised family law firm. She’s helped countless couples navigate their separation journey and is passionate about reshaping family law. Having been privy to the intimate details of many relationships, she also has a pretty good understanding of what does and doesn’t work.
We asked Rose for her top tips on what makes a healthy marriage…
1. Marry well
Marry someone who will stand beside you through life’s ups and downs. Someone who supports your independence, and someone who considers both of your careers and aspirations as equally important.
2. Never stop working on your marriage
Invest in your marriage. One thing my husband and I do is take an annual marriage retreat — just the two of us. This allows us time to connect and reflect on our relationship without the pressure of kids, responsibilities or rules. Have some good old-fashioned fun together!
3. Consider what role you play
If you’re constantly upset or irritated by your partner’s behaviour, have a look at what role you play. How you address an issue can play a huge part in how it’s resolved. Communicate with kindness and try to focus on the qualities you loved most about your spouse during those early days.
4. Change leads to growth
It’s inevitable that the person you married years ago is different from the person they are today. Change is what allows us to grow, which is why I encourage people to find a way to ‘change together’. Embrace the journey of life and constantly encourage one another to be better.
5. Sleep together
Maintaining an intimate aspect to your relationship looks different for every couple. Find what works for the both of you and have open conversations about it. Where possible, sleep in the same bed to keep the physical and emotional connection alive.
6. Life is not what you see online
We’ve all looked through our screens to see a family or couple living what appears to be our dream life. Remember, we’re not always seeing the full picture and chances are, that person’s life is just as imperfect as your own! Stop comparing your marriage to everyone’s online posts.
7. Don’t let money be a reason for conflict
Address money issues head-on. Never hide assets, loans or money concerns from each other and be open about finances so you both feel informed and empowered. Something as important as the family’s finances should never be considered as just one person’s role.
8. Stay united as a family unit
Don’t let outside influences come between each other. Approach your spouse’s family with kindness and set the expectation that they do the same for you. Have clear boundaries and gently but consistently, enforce them.
In a perfect world, staying married is the goal. However sometimes, despite our best efforts, this just isn’t an option. If you or someone you know need legal advice regarding separation or divorce, contact the supportive team at Resolve Divorce.
