Guest Blog by Belinda Bracale :: Neon Moose
Let’s get one thing straight. Morning sickness, despite the name, can last all day.
Repeat. All. Fucking. Day.
“But how is it called morning sickness if it lasts all day?” – clueless partner.
Mic drop. And proceed to bash it over his head.
Then mum calls… “Were you sick this morning?”
Sigh (but bless). I then did what any pregnant person does – scream.
Oh and because I love to write, I took to the blogs to explain once and for all what morning sickness is. So… Here are 10 ways to describe morning sickness to your clueless partner.
1. It’s like you ran a marathon.
A marathon in the Swiss Alps, that is. Running up hill for 42kms in freezing conditions. And then coming home and collapsing. Oh but newsflash — you can’t collapse because it’s only ‘morning sickness’ so you still have to get up and go to work and be happy and come home and cook. And maybe deal with other offspring if this ain’t your first time. Dead.
2. It’s like an all-day hangover.
Imagine mixing white wine with vodka sodas all night and then someone calls “SHOTS” and it’s on with tequila shots. You get home at 3am only to be woken by the birds at 6am — with falafel in your bed. You’ve had a few hours sleep, your head is pounding and you have the shakes. Dizzyness and vomiting optional. Welcome to the good life.
3. It’s like being on a show ride.
You know those rides that go around and around and around and around and up and down and around and don’t stop? Those rides that make your head spacey and your stomach rise up in your throat? The ones that really ignite that chucking feeling? Yeah those rides. Or #morningsickness.
4. It’s like having the flu.
The body aches. The pains. The tiredness. The runny nose. No I’m not talking about the flu. I’m talking about morning sickness. Duh!
5. It’s like being hit by a truck.
… If that truck were to reverse and run you over again. And then the driver puts it back in drive and drives off, leaving you laying there, on the road, in a state. Well that state is called morning sickness. Up you get though! On with the day!
6. It’s like you’re tired AF.
Oh so tired. Thrashed. Trashed. You can get 9 hours sleep and feel as if you only had 2. You can’t keep your eyes open past 8.30pm. 3 o’clock mid arvo slumps is the new siesta. You’re basically tired from when your alarm goes off in the morning until bedtime. Because, morning sickness.
7. It’s like you’re sea sick.
The queasiness. The nausea. That boat [read: morning sickness] won’t stop rocking. Make it stop. Puhlease! But you’re pregnant so there’s at least 12 – 16+ weeks of this horseshit.
8. It’s like food poisoning / bad food aversions.
Noooo. I don’t feel like cheese on crackers. Bread? Nah. I feel like something sweet, But what? Lollies. Nah. Biscuits. Nah. Frozen apple pie? YES.
Oh wait. I don’t have any pie.
Back to assessing options. Actually, now I don’t feel like ANYTHING. Just the sight of food makes me ILL. Oh wait! I have cooking chocolate… Maybe I can nibble on that. And repeat. All. Dang. Day!
Thanks for making me psycho, morning sickness… You’re the best!
9. It’s like you want to go Mike Tyson on everyone.
With morning sickness comes IPS – Irritable People Syndrome. Blame it on not feeling 100%. Or being tired so patience is this big (puts thumb and forefinger together to make a millimeter). One wrong thing your partner says and POW right in the kisser (okay maybe just a mental punch in the face). Still. You carry on like a banshee, making Ike Turner look like an angel. Deep. Breaths. You’re pregnant and not feeling well.
10. It’s like you’re having an outer body experience.
With all these new developments happening to your body — has anyone ever done a background check on morning sickness? Seriously — she’s so SHADY.
Let’s not forget all the things that come along with pregnancy. Like the cold sores that crop up. The new diet which consists of deep fried goodness (Maccas and HJ’s, I’m looking at YOU. Actually I’m craving you RN). All the colds you get thanks to your low immune system. Shall I go on?
And there you have it, kids. The morning sickness symptoms… which last alllllllll day. Show your partner this. (And if he thinks I’m exaggerating, I dare him to come and tell me to my pregnant face!)
NB: while pregnancy and morning sickness ain’t no peach, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. And by light, I mean a cute, squishy, bundle of JOY, which makes your heart explode in a trillion, gazillion excited pieces. And while you’re busy staring at your baby in awe and love and gushing and cooing over such an innocent lil cub, all memories of the aforementioned 1-10 fade away. What morning sickness? Enter: baby brain. But that’s another post.
About the author: despite what she just wrote, Belinda Bracale from Neon Moose is SUPER stoked to be pregnant again, giving her first born (Winnie) a little sibling.