Guest blog :: Chelsea Oliver
One of my best friends in the entire world wrote this article and sent it to me, and I’m so glad that she did. Fertility is something that we need to keep talking about — falling pregnant is something we often take for granted and assume will happen one day, but to be honest, it’s not always that easy. If only we were taught about this when we were younger, the struggles, the jokes about “hope we’re not pregnant”, because suddenly there comes a time where the desire to have a baby completely consumes you. It’s all you can think about and so many people just take it for granted. I’m so proud of you for sharing your struggle with fertility Chels, and know that one day you’re going to be the best Mumma in the world. Lauren xx
Sex education, the pill, condoms, the morning after pill… isn’t it funny how we spend our first 20+ years of life trying not to fall pregnant. I remember getting a period and thinking “thank God for that, pop the champagne”.
But then we hit 25+, get married, and immediately people ask, “so when are you having a baby?”
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now and have been trying for a baby during this time. We’ve hit a few bumps in the road along the way — the year before our wedding my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Then, last year I was told I had a thin uterus lining, and at the same time I started a new and very stressful job. There are a million and one reasons why right now may not be the best time for us to have a baby, despite our best efforts. So the question, “when are you having a baby” is the one that hurts the most because if it were up to us, it would have been 2 years ago. So now I respond with “when the sperm meets the egg!”
Everyone is going through their own personal journey, and for us it’s all about fertility. Unfortunately, some people who haven’t been down that same path don’t understand how the little comments can change a mood, and I know with all my heart that people mean no harm — it’s just how it feels. Every day people tell me to stop stressing, or stop trying and it will happen, or tell me about their own experiences of falling pregnant, and while I’m sure all of those suggestions have merit, it’s far easier said than done.
So now let’s talk IVF and all other medications. I’ve done 3 rounds of chlomid… which didn’t work (FYI it was bloody awful and I hated it), I’m currently taking every possible natural medication to support the process, I’m taking my temperature every morning, getting acupuncture and moxa therapy once a week, and doing my best to take care of my body. Some would say I’m doing everything right… but is it enough?
My obstetrician has suggested that IVF is the next step for us. Now I know this is super common and why not use modern medicine to get what we want… but I just can’t shake the feeling that I have failed. I can’t do the one thing that I should be able to do — bring new life into the world. I know those thoughts will disappear and I’m becoming more open to the idea but they were my initial thoughts. Horrible, right?
I know and trust in my heart that with our love for one another we will bring a beautiful baby into this world and will give them the best life we can, the Universe just has different plans for us and has made it a little more challenging, but I am hopeful that we will get there no matter what path we have to take to get it. In the meantime, please stop telling me (or anyone else in my situation) that I’m still young and have plenty of time, because when I have my heart and mind set on something, I will do whatever I need to get it.
I know that I’m one of millions of men and women who are going through this, so please know that I’m thinking of you. We are in this together and even though it’s crap, I have hope for us all.
In the meantime, stay tuned for when the sperm actually meets the egg.