As I write this, I have one foot in a pile of dry Weetbix (spread all over the lounge room floor) and am sharing a chair with a half-eaten Le Snack and a Lego man stuck to the cheese.
This is the life of a mum who attempts to work from home.
Sure, working from home and paying little to no overheads for your business is the dream. Being able to work AND be with your kids is also the dream. But it’s easier said than done.
Here are 9 things that working mums have to deal with while working from home.
1. Nobody thinks that you have a real job.
You get asked, “Can you do the grocery shopping today?” “Did you manage to have a nap?” “Do you want to go down to Victor for the afternoon?” No. Because I have a fu*king job!
2. You do work meetings NAKED.
If not naked, you’re in an oversized T-shirt, dotted with yoghurt stains and wearing your partner’s socks. Your clients would never know, unless they decide to do a FACETIME meeting at the last minute! FAAAAARK!
3. You have days where you resent your partner.
They come home from work, after mingling with actual adult humans all day, while the only interaction you get (that’s not on email) is picking pieces of corn out of your son’s ear.
4. You are the queen of multi-tasking.
In between invoicing and sending serious business proposals, you’re vacuuming up Special K and comforting your crying child and telling him, ‘I’m so sorry I cut your sandwich into triangles, I didn’t know you wanted squares today.”
5. You never switch off.
You can’t just leave work at 5pm and casually head home to a delicious dinner, followed by seven hours of Netflix. Your work is always there, staring at you in the face, begging you to open the computer.
6. You never have to deal with lame work birthday cake traditions.
I never get why when it’s YOUR birthday YOU have to bring cake for all the people in your office to eat. Most of them you don’t even know, but it’s ALWAYS the same people who gather around eating cake and talking sh*t that nobody else cares about.
7. You feel guilty all the time.
Sure, we get to spend loads more time with the kids, but try explaining to a four-year-old that you can’t go outside and play Star Wars because you have to work. It’s tough. Of course I’d rather go and play Darth Vadar outside.
8. You have A LOT of days off.
You time your work around your kid’s sleeps/quiet time. And sometimes sleeps don’t happen and there’s NO SUCH THING AS QUIET TIME. So you can’t work, you have that day off and become a shift worker. You’ll work all hours of the night instead.
9. You work to a soundtrack of screaming.
There’s no such thing as a quiet office. You learn to work while one child is yelling at the other to get off his scooter and the other is singing the Baby Jake theme song at the top of his lungs.
Even though some days I dream of being in an office, decked out with pineapples, cool prints and clean white desks, this is my dream — being able to create my own business from home.
Sure, it may not always be a happy dream, sometimes it’s more of a fucking nightmare.
Don’t get me wrong though, my business working from home will always come second to my favourite job in the world, being a mum.