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By Alicia Norton

The airport is a great melting pot of people, all mixing together with one key objective; to safely board a flying chunk of metal, without engaging in confronting communication with their fellow travellers. While it could be said that every airport around the world has the same old commuters passing through, Adelaide is just a little bit special.

Here are my fave 10 people you’ll meet at Adelaide Airport:

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1. The Fashionistas

Ready and searching for a bargain before they’ve even left the state, the ‘fashionista’ probably stopped by Harbour Town on the way to the airport and they’re keeping an eye out for rare ‘sale’ signs in the airport outlets. In two days time they’ll be holding up the check-in line at Melbourne airport as they attempt to repack their bags after piling on all the clothes they bought over the weekend. It doesn’t seem odd that they’re wearing three hats, two coats and, most curiously, five bras, on the flight home, in order to avoid excess baggage costs.

2. The Footy Fans

A group that is heard before they’ve been seen, loudly singing the team song or discussing post game stats. Have you ever been stuck on a plane with a team of excited Port Adelaide fans (#sorrynotsorry for the blatant stereotyping) on their way to Melbourne in September? I’ll give you this advice for free; at all costs, try to avoid it — for your own sanity.

3. The High Flyers

You can spot an out-of-towner in a number of ways; they’re usually more stressed than your average Adelaide Joe and let’s be honest, they’ll probably be drawing attention to themselves by speaking loudly on the phone, whinging about the shitty day they’ve had in, “This hell hole of a city”– being Adelaide. How dare they!

Dressed uncomfortably in a suit not made for the climate, they’re itching to get back to their corporate-jerk job and inner-city home that has them mortgaged to the hilt. What they don’t know is — we don’t want them here anyway!

4. The Coopers Connoisseur

Yes, we know that we have some of the best beer in the country – that’s why we (and the rest of the country) keep drinking it, but there’s nothing cool about stumbling towards a plane while intoxicated. Yes, there IS a bar at the airport but that’s not an invitation to get rowdy.

Though who am I to judge? The main achievement for my weekend was figuring out that my drink bottle has the ability to hold an entire bottle of wine…

5. The FIFO Workers

They may not be as common as they once were but they’re certainly still there. You’d think that they’d be hard to miss, clad in high vis and ready to hit the work site when they land but they’re just as likely to be stowed away in the Qantas club, taking advantage of those sweet (far and few between) benefits that come from living away from home half the time.

6. The Music Fans

“No one comes to Adelaide” – a phrase commonly uttered by any self-respecting music fan. So, when international acts do grace us with their presence we go absolutely bat shit crazy.

Working near the Entertainment Centre I get to see some of the most ridiculous behaviour – because, let’s be honest, lining up for two days (which means TWO WHOLE NIGHTS) while sleeping in a makeshift tent, just to be front and centre for Robbie Williams is a bit excessive. However, I’m reliably informed by Adelaide airport staff that they get the real hardcore crazies there.

Grown women acting like teenage girls and teenage girls acting like toddlers as rumours circulate that *insert popular musician that makes all the girls hearts flutter here* has hit the tarmac.

Yes, you are breathing the same air as them hun, but please stop hyperventilating and take a deep breath, for the love of god. It’s nothing new either – I certainly wasn’t around in 1964 but I don’t think anyone will ever let us Adeladians live down our dramatic reaction during a visit from The Beatles…

7. The Flighty Family

Braver than I will ever be, a family travelling with young children are either bold or absolutely nuts. I know it’s not morally or ethically correct but I know the only way I’d be able to do what they’re doing is with expertly placed sedatives – for me and mini me. I certainly don’t envy all you mums and dads out there when it comes to getting from A to B, however make sure you come prepared and if you don’t, please don’t hate on me when I throw the kid a tranquilizer.

8. The Hen’s Weekend

“Flight to the Gold Coast is now boarding” gird your loins because the girls are on tour and shit is about to get real. Gearing up for their 10am flight, coffee thermos sneakily filled with champagne, complete with straw suspiciously shaped like a penis, they’re a beautiful train-wreck worth keeping an eye on. What happens on tour stays on tour is the moral of this story but unfortunately for them, if the tour starts at the airport, there are prying eyes everywhere and nothing stays secret for long in our big country town…

9. The *Insert typical Adelaide situation here*

Any long time Adelaidian knows that no matter where you go in this fine city, you’re sure to bump into a pesky ex, an awkward former Tinder date or an irritating distant relative. It’s one of the downsides of living in a small town.

10. The Happy To Be Home

Dorothy was right when she said, “There’s no place like home”. You’ll find these people at the luggage carrousel, excitedly enjoying the lack of crowds, urging their bags to come out quickly so that they can get home and grab themselves a big glass of our trademark barely palatable tap water because, when you miss your home — even the bad aspects are totally worth coming home for.

And that’s why we love our city. If you haven’t already noticed, I’m a mad “people watcher”. If your’e a wierdo like me, you might enjoy my 10 People You’ll Meet Climbing Mount Lofty. See you ’round!

Alicia xx

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