Guest Blogger :: Naomi Hutchings – Clinical Sexologist
I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that if you are reading this article you might be in a long term relationship? Can I be bold here and say nobody tells you this in sex education (unless of course you come to my class) but sometimes long term relationship sex can be hard work. In fact, it can sometimes be downright boring. Whilst I’m being forthright, so is monogamy. Yes. There, I said it out loud. I know some of you are nodding your head as you are reading this.
Now, all relationships are unique and it’s definitely not all doom and gloom. There are a number of ways you can improve your sexual relationship. The following points might not work for everyone but are some quick tips to get you started on how to spice up your sex life!
5 quick tips to spice up your sex life!
1. Variety is the spice of life. You’ve all heard that one before right? Now, I like to use food analogies when I talk about sex (most people like both things not necessarily equally or at the same time but you know where I am heading) It goes like this, if you love vegemite sandwiches and eat one everyday after some time you might start to crave peanut butter. Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your vegemite sandwiches it’s just that a peanut butter sandwich might be the variety you were yearning for.
So having said that sure, bring some food into the bedroom (that could work, but may I suggest skip the vegemite and try chocolate or even whipped cream) but also why not take your sexual activity out of the bedroom. Get out into the lounge, the kitchen and maybe the shower. Somewhere different.
2. There is something to be said for date night. Now I know you’ve probably heard this one more than once but it is imperative that you set aside some special time for just the two of you. Even if it means paying a babysitter. Get dressed up. If you feel brave, try on some new lingerie. Try a new restaurant and or bar (Adelaide has plenty of awesome venues) Make a date and stick to it. Reconnect. Try not talk about the kids. Or the bills. Or your in laws.
3. Do something that gets your adrenalin pumping. Now, I am not talking about in the sack. I mean do something that gets you all excited, nervous even. There’s something thrilling about that time at the beginning of a relationship where everything you do with your significant other feels special and exciting. So why not write list of all the things you might like to do that you’ve never done before. Salsa classes? Surf lessons? Hiking? Rock climbing. These all might sound a bit scary but that is exactly my point. Get out of your comfort zone and together you will share all the many feelings (fear, anxiety, thrill, happiness) with your partner. It can create a sense of togetherness and you may see your partner in a whole new light.
4. Make a “sexy time” play list. Yep, download some music for your iPod that gets you in the mood and play it when you are getting it on. Which brings me to song suggestion number one, Let’s get it on Marvin Gaye. Of course.
5. If you are going to do it in the bedroom, it is time to change it up a bit. Light some candles, dim the lights, get out of your old t-shirt and then change IT up. Yes, I mean the sexual activity. You could both agree to try a different sexual position and agree not resort to your old faithful one. Whilst old faithful might be comfortable trying something new can be fun, exciting and you might find that you actually feel pleasure in ways you’d not ever imagined.
Naomi Hutchings is a Clinical Sexologist who has been working in the area of Sexual Health and Relationships Education for over 10 years. She’s is the founder of Adelaide Sexology. She has much experience working and supporting parents around how to approach puberty, sexuality, and other topics. Currently Naomi teaches the Sex and Sexuality Topic at Flinders University, is the Coordinator of Youth Worker Education at Shine SA, works privately at both Attuned Psychology and Pelvic Pain SA, and is the relationships expert for the University of Adelaide’s Health and Relationships website.