MYTHS ABOUT ADELAIDE: THE TRUE AND THE FALSE

By Alicia Norton

ADELADY; MYTHS ABOUT ADELAIDE; ALICIA NORTON

With rumours, myths and common misconceptions about our fair city — Adelaide residents have heard it all.

We grew up living in a city whose signature dish is a meat pie floating in pea soup, and where our major road is designed to only go in one direction. We know that even the craziest of ideas are possible. So when facts are more ridiculous than fiction – who can blame the uneducated *cough* interstate *cough* masses for taking tall tales as gospel.

Don’t be ashamed though Adelaide – let’s wear our weirdness with pride and explore the truth behind the rumours that the mean girls like to spread – and yeah, we’re looking at you and Sydney and Melbourne!

Rumour #1 People in Adelaide speak funny

It’s true – you can recognise a South Aussie accent from the other side of a noisy bar because we’re heaps distinctive. Our grasp of the Queen’s English is strong; we’re refined and classy (pronounced ‘classy’ – because it’s spelled with a ‘c’ and not a ‘k’).

Rumour #2 It’s a city full of sinners

Touted as ‘The Murder Capital’ of the world, we may be known for our shady past but that’s all behind us now. Sure, some of the most gruesome and bizarre crimes in the nation’s history have gone down within our state boarders, but we don’t let that hold us back. in 2013, our fair city was ranked as the safest in the world, with the lowest rate of crime per population. That being said, we’re still bad ass – take that as you like, and let it be a warning to any eastern staters who are ballsy enough to pay us a visit…

Rumour #3 It’s a city full of saints

Though we’re known as the City of Churches, and while it might seem like there’s a place of worship around every corner, the 2011 Census actually found that we are in fact the least religious city in Australia. So, the moral of the story is that we’ve got heaps of great churches but we’re all too hung over to visit on a Sunday morning.

Rumour #4 Our tap water tastes strange

If by “strange” you mean it tastes like metal and chlorine then yes, our water does taste a little odd, but you know what? I actually like it. Growing up in the hills meant our rainwater, wasn’t rainwater if it wasn’t flavoured by anything and everything that made its way into the tank. And as a kid, the slight chlorine flavour of Adelaide mains water was a rare treat. It tastes even better when transformed into ice and sitting in my glass of G&T.

Rumour #5 It takes 20 minutes to get everywhere

Yep – and if it takes longer than twenty minutes, it’s probably not worth bothering with. Unless there’s wine at the end of the journey – wine makes everything worthwhile.

Rumour #6 Tunnels and secret cities

It has been said that there is a secret city beneath our streets and even tunnels that travel between buildings. To that, I say, great! I hope it’s true. I’ve got super pale skin and apparently we’ve got a hole in the ozone layer (or something like that), so I might have to shift myself down below the ground. Like a glamorous ninja turtle, I can totally see this working out well for me.

Rumour #7 Everyone knows eachother

Apparently everyone in Adelaide knows one another but this isn’t exactly the case. The fact of the matter is that everyone in Adelaide is more likely related to one another. No word of a lie. I was at Cheesefest last year and met a guy who wasn’t too bad looking. Luckily, I didn’t immediately make my move because it only took me half an hour to figure out that we were third cousins. Yep. Good one Adelaide. In the completely opposite direction however, a Tinder match refused to believe that I was from Adelaide because we had no mutual friends on Facebook. He immediately stopped chatting to me after discovering this. Your loss buddy.

Rumour #8 We’re all a bunch of snobs

Being a colony of free settlers has made us think that we’re just that little bit better than everyone else. That’s fact. Think about it — we’ve got some of the best wine in the world, the best beaches and the best weather – just for a start. It’s okay though, we’re actually really friendly to tourists and we’re totally willing to share. Oh, except for when it comes to our major motor sport events. Melbourne, that kinda betrayal can never be forgiven.

Rumour #9 We’re in Tasmania

The scene doesn’t need to be specific; you’re overseas somewhere, surrounded by some locals you’ve just met and someone asks, “So where in Australia did you say you were from” and you gear up for the explanation, “Oh, you probably haven’t heard of it, Adelaide – it’s in South Australia”. Sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised when they mention their knowledge of your home town but for the most part you’ll want to throw them off the Glenelg jetty when they say, “Oh South Australia – that’s the island down the bottom, right?” GAH. To top it off they might then ask if you know their mate Steve who lives in Sydney. At this point it is perfectly acceptable to attempt to choke them with Fru-Chocs.

Rumour #10 There’s nothing to do in Adelaide

My mum always told me that only boring people get bored and I might be biased but I think she’s a pretty smart lady. While I hate having to jump to the defence of our fair city, I feel like it has to be said; there is a load of totally rad stuff to do in Adelaide on any given day or night. Sure, we don’t have an Opera House or a giant rock but what we do have a mall full of pigs and a pair of shiny balls. If anyone ever says anything nasty about Adelaide, just get rid of them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Get them as far away from you as possible – there’s a reason my moronic ex is now residing in Melbourne, just sayin.

Alicia xx

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