Things I’m sure I did better before I became a Mum

I’m sure my moves were way cooler and way less “Mum dance” before I had kids.

2. CHEW FOOD

Most meals I eat these days barely touch the sides. I can’t remember chewing it, I can’t remember cutting it, but before I know it my plate is empty. I miss chewing my food.

3. HANDLE MY ALCOHOL

Three glasses of wine, that’s all it takes and I’m on the dancefloor (refer to point 1), falling asleep at my own BBQ (happened last weekend) or telling my friends how much I love them, over……and over and over again. Oh and don’t EVEN get me started on hangovers. Hangovers before kids were infrequent and painful, but bearable. Hangovers with kids are a sick form of self torture. Far from bearable, far from OK.

4.  USE BIG GIRL WORDS

What has happened to my vocab? Especially noticeable upon my return to work where I seem to be labelling a lot of items as ‘things’ or ‘stuff.’

Me: “You know, that thing that does the stuff.”

Colleague: “You mean the photocopier?”

Me: “That’s what I said.”

5. RESPOND TO TEXT MESSAGES

There’s 3 scenarios here.

#1 – I’ve read it, I’ve replied to it but been distracted and forgotten to push send until 3 hours later.

#2 – My phone’s been hijacked by a 3 year old and I don’t even know where my phone is located, let alone that you sent me a message.

#3 – I read it. In my head I replied to it. And now I’m annoyed that you haven’t written back yet to my imaginary reply.

6.  BE MORE CREATIVE WITH MY HAIR

Two words: Mum bun.

7. HOW DO I PUT THIS — “SPECIAL CUDDLES WITH MY HUSBAND”

No need for too much detail here! I’m very sure, and quite often reminded, I used to be better at this one. It’s just that before kids I wasn’t exhausted at 10pm, I wasn’t up 6 times last night and I honestly had less headaches!

8.  LEAVE THE HOUSE QUICKLY

Something that NEVER happens anymore. God help us if our house is ever burning down because we wouldn’t get out before at least 7 outfit changes, running back inside for a drink bottle, packing the exact snacks appropriate for our 10minute drive to the shops, putting the pram/scooter/bike in the back of the car or trying to find the keys that are now hidden.

9. KEEP MY SHIT TOGETHER WHEN THINGS ARE SAD

I can’t help but feel the rawness of people’s emotions now. I don’t know if it’s good to feel so empathetic as I get SO sad when I hear about people who have lost loved ones, particularly children. Then my brain starts to wander into dark places. What if that happened to us? Oh my god. I just don’t know how people have the strength to go on with such gaping holes in their hearts.

10. CRYING 

It could be a movie, an advertisement, a story someone tells me, or even just a simple thought as I’m driving. I literally do not even watch the news now.

11.  REMEMBERING STUFF

Point in case, what I had planned to write for this dot point, has completely slipped my mind.

12. SLEEP

Oh boy could I sleep! A fair bit of traveling back in the day has conditioned me to sleeping pretty much anywhere. I just need my head to be a tiny bit horizontal and I’m out like a light (much to the disgust of my husband who can’t sleep if there’s a pea under the mattress).

These days if it’s not the newborn stage of 3 hourly feeding, it’s the sleep regressions that follow, transitioning from cot to bed, bed wetting, nightmares, multiple “I need a drink” call outs or just this…..

AND then when she DOES sleep I’m awake worrying that something has happened. I miss sleep.

Coming soon…………….things I do BETTER now I’m a Mum.

Roxy xx

PS If you’re preggo, here are our tips to help get that baby out!