By Simone Mundy
You can change your hair. You can change your eyebrows. Diet, binge, let yourself go or exercise. Plump your lips, pluck your eyebrows, get butt implants, breast implants or even change your entire face with plastic surgery.
You can move house, move country, break up, shack up, have a sea-change or renovate.
Hell, you can even change your name by deed poll. You can basically change everything and become an entirely different person except…
There’s just one thing you can’t change – YOUR BIRTHDATE
Let’s all just take a moment to remember those poor unfortunate souls whose birthdays fall between the 20th of December and the 5th of January. Your birthday sucks! All year we wait… ALL YEAR! Only for the inevitable bust of a birthday that no one wants – ours. Alas, we were born too close to that guy who gets all the frankincense and myrrh, who has been stealing our thunder for 2015 years, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
I’ve been living the birthday bust my whole life because I was born three days after Christmas and three days before New Year. You might think, “But it’s summer, everyone’s on holidays and ready to party!” You’d be wrong – it’s a kind of celebratory limbo. Allow me to explain.
My 5th birthday – I don’t even know who these people are. My mum must have found some ring-ins off the street. All that cordial and no kids to drink it.
Reasons why December birthdays suck
A) Christmas – Everyone is broke from it or saving for…
B) New Years Eve – it hasn’t happened yet, but it’s too close to let loose on your account
C) Holidays = absent friends (insert sad face emoji)
D) Everyone forgot – it’s not like you have your birthday on the same day every year WTF!?!?!?!?
E) Joint present – Anyone with a birthday near Jeebus knows a joint present doesn’t mean one giant awesome present, it means less presents, what a rip-off.
F) Everything is closed – (insert rolling tumbleweed)
G) Everyone forgot. Yes, it’s on the list twice because it hurts twice as much.
I’ve looked into it. There’s nothing I can do. I know how much it sucks, but when your best friend tells you in no uncertain terms, “Your birthday always sucks” you now know everyone else thinks it too. It would have been cruel had it not been so true. (reaches for Kleenex box)
Why isn’t there a form I can fill out to change my birthday? I don’t want to sneakily shave a decade off my life or anything (yet). Please Santa – all I want for Christmas is a birthday six months later! A happy un-birthday party in July, surely something can be arranged?
*Hayley is there some kind of code or app we can plug into the site to add Simone’s birthday to everyone’s calendar automatically? Nope? Sigh…
Shout out to all my homegirls with birthdays too close to Australia Day and Easter.
Sad Simone xx
On a lighter note, if you’re looking for a perfect venue to celebrate your sad birthday, check our fave venues in Adelaide for Xmas drinks,,,