Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks then you’re probably aware that the election is in full swing and with a while to go before July 2nd it might feel like you’ve got a long slog to get through. Never fear though because we are here to ply you with survival strategies to see it through with your sanity still in tact.
1. Get a Little Bit Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers (God rest her sassy soul) was the queen of critique, mercilessly slaying unsuspecting celebrities on Fashion Police. I know I’m going to come off as a ‘bad feminist’ (because apparently that’s a thing now) here BUT I’m not going to lie, analysing the election posters on commute to work has become something of a hobby in the past week. I know that, as highlighted during Julia Gillard’s time as PM, this kind of behaviour isn’t exactly constructive, I know because I just finished reading (okay, skimming) her absolutely boss memoir. In my defence though, the traffic on Main North road in the morning can be a real bitch and can I help it if all I have to judge a candidate on is a poster on a stobie pole?!
That being said, I’m not seeing much too much to be negative about; Kate Ellis is looking like an absolute babe and I must commend her fantastic choice in outfits (yes, outfits as she has at least two different posters that I’ve spotted, each with a different outfit, loving it).
Sarah Hanson-Young made a bold choice with a white blazer, not something that I would dare dabble with but she pulled it off with style and sophistication.
Negative points times infinity to Christopher Pyne whose look is dated and bland. No thank you. Put it in the bin.
Like I said, it’s not exactly an intellectual pursuit but the traffic can be rough in the AM.
2. Have Fun with Names
Yes, my humour is low brow but guess what? I don’t care. I keep seeing signs around my area:
“DAVID COLOVIC LIBERAL FOR ADELAIDE”
And it is taking literally ALL OF MY STRENGTH not to add a little / in front of that V and change it to DAVID COLONIC.
His name is ONE letter away from being the same as getting water pumped in your butt. On another fun note, The Greens candidate for Makin is a Mr Keiran Snape. Now I’m sure that this poor guy gets it call the time but I feel like the real issue here Professor is what is your stance on defending us against The Dark Arts? I’m sure that there are plenty more great names, so please, ladies of the ’laid, get sharing with me!
Image credit: xaragmata.dyndns-web.com
3. Keep It In Your…Mouth?
Okay, there are two points here;
1. I love a good political chat and the awesome thing about living in Australia is that we can voice our opinions where and when we want…but the pesky thing about living in Australia? We can voice our opinions where and when we want! Case in point: hanging out in the kitchen at work and having to by-stand politely as a co-worker sings the praises of Cory Bernadi while you mentally dismember said co-worker.
If there was a way to cleanse your ears of shit, this would be the time to do it. If, like me, you want to keep your job, it’s one of those times that you just have to smile, nod and hope with every inch of your being that you’re not alone.
2) Do not kiss a politician. Do not aim for the lips. Do not closed-mouth kiss. Do not use tongue. Do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES kiss a politician. Unless you are their partner, friend or family member. Adelaide local Margot Casey brought our little city to national attention when she gave opposition leader Bill Shorten more than he bargained when he leaned in for a peck on the cheeks that instead landed bang on her lips. A shocked Shorten told Margo that he thought she would be appreciated as a member of the Collingwood football team but if I were Margo it would be Mr Shorten’s wife that I’d be worried about. The gorgeous Chloe Shorten said she, “didn’t blame her” when questioned about Margo’s affection for her husband but I reckon Chloe could be the jealous type. Be careful Margo.
Image credit: abc.net.au
4. Start Planning Your Election Party
Much like Eurovision, election night is THE perfect excuse to hold a party. While there probably won’t be as many sequins on display as these ballot papers are counted, with a bit of booze and a carefully crafted cheese platter even family reunion can be bearable so with that strategy in mind, election night should be a hoot!
I’ll be putting together a list of tips for the perfect election party (goggles “Martha Stewart Party Planning Tips” …or not). And if that’s not enough for you – and let’s be honest, who can get enough of all of this excitement, then why not tune into local show The Raucous Caucus!
The Raucous Caucasus will be tackling all things political and election like with a panel of top notch comedians and stellar guests with the first episode available online from June 2nd HERE.
For the most up to date info, hit up the Channel 44 Facebook. Adelaide locals can join in the studio audience for recordings of upcoming episodes, each Monday at 7pm at the Rhino Room. Get onto adelaidecomedy.com for ticketing info.